my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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