before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
