I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize