my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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