Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
