I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
