i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
