so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
