I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
