unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
