you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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