The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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