Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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