thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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