I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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