dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
