Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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