just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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