So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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