Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Green mimosas i think yes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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