i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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