Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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