you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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