Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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