it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
