Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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