Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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