if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
