Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
