We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
