This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After last night, I could never be a politician.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
