i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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