You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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