respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
