Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
