I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
