I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
