Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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