Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
