Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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