yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
