I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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