she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
