so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
