Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
