we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
