To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
