thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
