He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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