"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
