ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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