Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
