My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
