i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
