i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
