Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
