3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
