You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I supernannyed him into submission
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
