this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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