but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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