If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
