I feel great
I just peed on a car
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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