Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
