Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize