I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
false alarm, still single
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