quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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