dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize