I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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