if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
