I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
