My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
