I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
