you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
