Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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